Update from Gulf Shores, AL

We hit the beach this week.

Sort of bad timing because we are missing orientation and meet the teacher for Bodie and Jax. I can say that it is MUCH needed for everyone so I don't feel so guilty.

We arrived on Sunday after an over night drive and stop at a hotel. McKenna wouldn't sleep in her pack n play so her and Barrett ending up sleeping in the car :o(

The kids have spent lots of time at the beach and tonight we are going to try fishing again after McKenna goes down.

It has rained off/on but the weather has been great for the most part. I haven't hit the beach because it is just too hot for me.

Medically:

Still taking 5 chemo pills a day.

Weaning off the steroids (yeah!!!!) slowly and has been going well so far. Right now I look like a man-eating cabbage patch kid from the water retention caused by the steroids. I hate looking in the mirror. Hopefully by the time I go back to the doctor on Tuesday things are still going well and I can stop taking them all together. Then the doctor said it will take about 4 weeks to get them out of my system and the swelling to subside.

They added another chemo drug to the regimen at my last appointment but starting it was delayed while my oncologost had to get approval from the insurance company.

I am going to get on the treadmill on Sunday - wish me luck!

And looking into water aerobics classes. Don't make fun! Water resistance is the easiest thing on my body.

All and all things are going well and everyone remains optimistic.

Update....

Radiation is finished!!!! 14 treatments It seems as though radiation has sucked every last ounce of energy from my body - literally. I get up and go to work everyday and I am in bed every night by 5:30 or 6:00 I feel like I haven't spent good, quality time with Barrett or the kids since mid-June when all this started. I have to keep telling myself that I have to rest and let my body recover so I can go back to being the wife/mom I was before but it is hard to rest all of the time. I am a control freak - I will admit it. This loss of control has been hard. This is the worst I have felt since I was diagnosed on 11.11.11 I am ready to get through this part, be back in remission and move on.

Feeling a little defeated

I have been to radiation 10 times now. I have four more sessions to go. I have been exhuasted for two weeks straight with the worst indigestion known to man. I am trying to stay focused on the journey ahead but it has been difficult. I am angry and bitter at this point and asking a lot of "why me, why now, what did I (we) do to deserve this. I have to get my head back in the game to survive.

1st Radiation Treatment Down - 12 or 13 to go

Today was my first radiation treatment and I would have to say it wasn't bad at all as far as medical procedures go. It took 30 minutes from beginning to end which included mask fitting, head x-rays and treament. Not so bad since I didn't even have to get a needle prick of any kind. I have my game face back on! Ready to fight!

Some bad bews....

I don't really know how to write this post - but I am going to give it my best shot of typing through the tears. The week Copeland's birthday I had a bad migraine that continued for 5 days - Barrett instisted I go see Dr. C on Monday. At that point my head hurt so bad I couldn't sit up straight on the exam table. I was sent downstairs for a CT scan because the hospitals MRI machine was booked the entire day. Took maybe 30 minutes - no big deal. Dr. C came downstairs during the CT scan and said that he didn't see anything. I was sent home with some pain killers for my headache. The next day he called Barrett's phone and asked Barrett to put him on speaker. The radiologist looked at the CT scan and found "alot of tiny" lesions on my brain. I had to leave the room. Barrett finished the conversation and an appointment was booked for the following day. The treatment course has changed immediately to radiation everyday for the next 12-14 days. I will take chemo by mouth (5 horse pills) every morning so it will penetrate the blood/brain barrier. They will do a follow up MRI from head to toe. We met with the radiologist and he is very nice, informative and optomistic. I literally have been in tears since last week. The two lists are running through my mind again - what I need to do to survive and what I need to do in case I don't make it. The saddest thing I think I have ever heard is when Jaxon walked into our room looking very sad and I asked him what was wrong and his response was "I'm so sorry that the cancer is in your brain now." Heartbreaking. I have been crying off and on since last week. I have to get my game face on and start the fight again - not that it ever ended.

Some GREAT news......

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer one of the first things my onocologist did was send me for a PET scan to see exactly everywhere the cancer was at that time. When he showed it to Barrett & I in his office I turned my head away because it was so overwhelming and I just couldn't stand to look at it. Dr. C said he expected good things for me and said he would re-scan after five or six treatments.

As you know, the breast tumor was the only one that could be tracked from ine appointment to another. When Dr. L said the tumor in my breast was gone we were thrilled and she said that she hoped the medicine was working as well in the rest of my body.

Time for re-scan. 45 minutes in a tube and then you wait.......

Next appointment with Dr. C he had the results. He pulled out the before and after images along with the report. NO SIGNS OF ACTIVE CANCER. It was clean. I cried.

Dr. C had never talked "stages" before because I don't think he really likes to label it like that or maybe it was so bad and he didn't want me to think negatively before I actually started treatment. I will tell you that I finally took a long, hard look at the first scan it and it was scary. I had cancer in my legs, organs, bones and brain stem. It was stage 3-4. I told Barrett that I was glad that I didn't look at the first PET scan when this all started because I might have just given up.

When I saw Dr. L this week she was thrilled and called it a miracle. She said that my body's response to treatment has been better and faster than anyone anticipated.

We still have a long road ahead of us but I will continue to fight this with a vengenous because cancer can suck it!!!

Sometimes you have to find the humor in things...

When I first started losing my hair we knew it was time to tell the boys what was going on. The hair loss was going to fast and obvious so we wanted them to know it was going to happen and that I was sick but would be ok.

The next day I had this conversation with Jaxon:

Jax: Mama can I ask you a question
Me: Sure Jax
Jax: when people ask you about your hair falling out will you tell them that you are sick and not because your kids drive you crazy and made you want to pull it out?
Me: Of course!

Followed by both of us laughing out loud!