Update....

Radiation is finished!!!! 14 treatments It seems as though radiation has sucked every last ounce of energy from my body - literally. I get up and go to work everyday and I am in bed every night by 5:30 or 6:00 I feel like I haven't spent good, quality time with Barrett or the kids since mid-June when all this started. I have to keep telling myself that I have to rest and let my body recover so I can go back to being the wife/mom I was before but it is hard to rest all of the time. I am a control freak - I will admit it. This loss of control has been hard. This is the worst I have felt since I was diagnosed on 11.11.11 I am ready to get through this part, be back in remission and move on.

Feeling a little defeated

I have been to radiation 10 times now. I have four more sessions to go. I have been exhuasted for two weeks straight with the worst indigestion known to man. I am trying to stay focused on the journey ahead but it has been difficult. I am angry and bitter at this point and asking a lot of "why me, why now, what did I (we) do to deserve this. I have to get my head back in the game to survive.

1st Radiation Treatment Down - 12 or 13 to go

Today was my first radiation treatment and I would have to say it wasn't bad at all as far as medical procedures go. It took 30 minutes from beginning to end which included mask fitting, head x-rays and treament. Not so bad since I didn't even have to get a needle prick of any kind. I have my game face back on! Ready to fight!

Some bad bews....

I don't really know how to write this post - but I am going to give it my best shot of typing through the tears. The week Copeland's birthday I had a bad migraine that continued for 5 days - Barrett instisted I go see Dr. C on Monday. At that point my head hurt so bad I couldn't sit up straight on the exam table. I was sent downstairs for a CT scan because the hospitals MRI machine was booked the entire day. Took maybe 30 minutes - no big deal. Dr. C came downstairs during the CT scan and said that he didn't see anything. I was sent home with some pain killers for my headache. The next day he called Barrett's phone and asked Barrett to put him on speaker. The radiologist looked at the CT scan and found "alot of tiny" lesions on my brain. I had to leave the room. Barrett finished the conversation and an appointment was booked for the following day. The treatment course has changed immediately to radiation everyday for the next 12-14 days. I will take chemo by mouth (5 horse pills) every morning so it will penetrate the blood/brain barrier. They will do a follow up MRI from head to toe. We met with the radiologist and he is very nice, informative and optomistic. I literally have been in tears since last week. The two lists are running through my mind again - what I need to do to survive and what I need to do in case I don't make it. The saddest thing I think I have ever heard is when Jaxon walked into our room looking very sad and I asked him what was wrong and his response was "I'm so sorry that the cancer is in your brain now." Heartbreaking. I have been crying off and on since last week. I have to get my game face on and start the fight again - not that it ever ended.