Some bad bews....

I don't really know how to write this post - but I am going to give it my best shot of typing through the tears. The week Copeland's birthday I had a bad migraine that continued for 5 days - Barrett instisted I go see Dr. C on Monday. At that point my head hurt so bad I couldn't sit up straight on the exam table. I was sent downstairs for a CT scan because the hospitals MRI machine was booked the entire day. Took maybe 30 minutes - no big deal. Dr. C came downstairs during the CT scan and said that he didn't see anything. I was sent home with some pain killers for my headache. The next day he called Barrett's phone and asked Barrett to put him on speaker. The radiologist looked at the CT scan and found "alot of tiny" lesions on my brain. I had to leave the room. Barrett finished the conversation and an appointment was booked for the following day. The treatment course has changed immediately to radiation everyday for the next 12-14 days. I will take chemo by mouth (5 horse pills) every morning so it will penetrate the blood/brain barrier. They will do a follow up MRI from head to toe. We met with the radiologist and he is very nice, informative and optomistic. I literally have been in tears since last week. The two lists are running through my mind again - what I need to do to survive and what I need to do in case I don't make it. The saddest thing I think I have ever heard is when Jaxon walked into our room looking very sad and I asked him what was wrong and his response was "I'm so sorry that the cancer is in your brain now." Heartbreaking. I have been crying off and on since last week. I have to get my game face on and start the fight again - not that it ever ended.